The Rescue Vs Wrestle struggle:
This is something that I had first hand experience as a parent to participate in. As my then 6 year old daughter struggled to pack her bag for school one day, I resisted the temptation to help. Helping would have been faster, it would have meant that I wouldn't then be running late for my errands, however I remember thinking "what value am I placing my child as a learner if I don't allow her to wrestle". The bag was packed, in an unconventional way, it was messy, the zip wasn't done up..... but everything was included- even a messy lunchbox.
The Rescue Vs Wrestle Struggle then became not only a practice as a parent, but also an educator. So often we allow our children to have the quick fix because it's simply faster. We as educators step into restorative conversations when they are not yet ready to be restored, or working alongside parents to help them make a decision easily. We make tasks easy in class because the curriculum deadlines loom and it's so much easier to enable our students to do it the easy way.
However, after seeing students "squirm" and families become resistent to the leading of "allow them to make the mistakes".... it became evident to me that we have made life "too easy" for our kids.
As a mother of as ASD child, I learn the hard way that to rescue was going to be the easy option. But as I have navigated a world of challenges as a parent, I have discovered that my child has worked out ways to deal with challenges that I would never have thought of. They didn't care that they weren't invited to birthday parties (so maybe that was me) and they didn't mind that their lunchbox looked different to how I would have made it. Rescuing does not allow a stretch to occur. It doesn't allow grit to take place or even allow grit to even occur.
We are also living in a time where childhood and teenage anxiety rates are increasing massively. But if as a community we keep recusing our children and not allowing them to wrestle and work out strategies to support them, we are creating helpless individuals who will only fall back on their "anxiety". Don't get me wrong, anxiety is a real emotion. Anxiety can debilitate, however it's the way in which we allow our children to work through this. If we rescue and solve the problems for them, we are doing a disservice. I cannot believe how many parents are excusing their child from being at school due to "anxiety". Friends, if we allow out children to stay away from feeling these emotions, they won't be able to work through and create a resilience through it. Avoidance is the biggest cause and "wrapping" up our children in cotton wool and keeping them away from facing their fears of anxiety, will hurt you and your child.
So the next time you reach to do something to help your child because it would be faster, think about whether you are rescuing them, or allowing them to wrestle. "Mum, can you tie my shoelace?" "Dad, can you pack my lunch? Im running late?", "Mum, I need a car, can you buy me one? "Nanna, I really don't want to go to school today, my tummy hurts"....... have a conversation with your child. Explain that what they are feeling is real, but that it can be worked through. Remember, every opportunity that you have with your child is an opportunity for growth, growth for all.
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